Thursday, January 29, 2004
i would just like to say two things. the two have nothing to do with each other.
1. please take off your blindfolds-- i know you see more than that.
and 2. you are so much stronger than you ever thought you were.
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special shout-out to gregorus. if you're reading this, i just want to say that seeing you brought me ultimate joy. i genuinely miss you. always.
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
let me elaborate: i had an awesome time at winter formal.
i'm sure you heard of the chronological "what happened next?" stories already, so you can check those out from all the others who were there with me. so maybe, i'll talk more about what people couldn't really see. not that you're allowed to pry and rummage all the contents of my mind, but i'm definitely here to give you some insight.
let me explain how tired i was. the thursday before the dance (saturday, january 24th, 2004), i slept a total of three hours. then, the friday after that, i slept two hours. then came saturday morning. i slept a bit on the plane, but an hour on the plane is nothing (try going to japan or austrlia or something like that; an hour is a blink). so that would explain my behavior, for those of you who saw me... i was a bit out of it. but my attention and sense of direction were fantastic (i didn't get lost!! lol...). i wonder if that has anything to do with not having the ppropriate number of hours to sleep... as i ponder, i realize it's already past 2am.
my mind was going all over the place during the dance. it was focused most of the time, but give it a time of silence and there it goes, roaming. a lot of analyzing went on in there. periodically, i'd throw it a fast ball and start talking to my friends and laughing and things like that. but then it throws me a curve ball in return and i'm not even ready with a bat. i saw from different angles, i could see things people were trying to hide, and i wish they hadn't. and sometimes, those serious moments in my head surfaced as an emotion on my face... or maybe the lack thereof. but i'd throw myself back into the music and everything disappeared. my mind was dribbled like a forceful pendulum between reality and "why". fortunate for me, i found answers to almost all of my questions.
i'm glad i didn't do the things i thought about doing, i'm glad i did do the things i thought about not doing, i'm glad i was enlightened, yet again, by sweet, sweet reality. and there is no ounce of sarcasm in that. i'm loving the life as i have it right now. certain people definitely play a role in this. certin things hold significance, too. i'm just, quite content.
there was a moment that night, when he found his love, hidden under a carpet of selfishness and ignorance. he called her but she pretended not to hear. and ignorance embraced her cold little back, like a jacket, and sneered. but he called her again, called her once more, and slowed this kidnapping. he tore off ignornance's jacket, and told her things she didn't know, and it made her nervous and her soul poured out in shapes of tears as he caught each of them. he turned into a magnificent flower as he was watered by her tears. and there was a moment that night, when she found it in herself to love him again. and she smiled and he blossomed to embrace her.
it's interesting the way things turn out. so thanks. you really do save me from my self-created viruses.
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if you didn't know, i was down in anaheim for the weekend. winter formal rocked! it brought back the high school memories once again... good stuff :) thanks for being a wonderful date, joe.
to those i saw: you guys are responsible for all my joy and happiness in my life. thank you for making me smile.
and to those i didn't see: i missed you guys... i wish i could have stayed for a longer time, so i could have gotten to see each of you. definitely next time.
friends are good.
*and those people who commented to my last post-- thank you. i enjoy and appreciate comments to my post, especially when the posts are about an enlightenment or meaningful topic of mine. so once again, thank you guys. (i have a viewer in canada! yay! thanks jessica :) i'll definitely link you.)
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Wednesday, January 21, 2004
so i was going through my links last night, and i stumbled upon my friend's site, one i haven't visited for maybe a week or so. this person "resorted into writing a 'crap' entry", a post in which the writer talks about their day, maybe their problems, big or small, or perhaps to just rant their frustration. the thing about this person's post that struck curiosity within me is that fact that he/she called it, "a crap entry".
it may sound childish and pointless to elaborate on this thing, but then, i thought, "why not think about it?" and so i did. i went through many other sites, and i found a common ground for all of them. and i really think that's why people have these sites in the first place.
we write in order to be understood. we type letters into an html table because we hope that someone will come across our thoughts and sympathize with us, we tell the whole world our problems, knowing someone out there will understand you. we risk a whole lot, doing something like this. people can twist the meaning of your words, they can contradict you, they can be completely indifferent to your feelings. but on the other end, someone just might understand you, someone may give you the advice you needed, someone may seek shelter in your words. and so we write.
the feeling of venting to something that will neither agree nor contradict you directly is exhilarating. if a reader stumbles upon a post and they don't like it, then they don't. and if they do, that's wonderful. the point is, the world is your audience. but as you type your flooding thoughts, you can think of only one person who you are writing to: yourself. and that's why you confess things you never could verbally-- you trust your site. but once again, anyone can read what you write. that is the beauty and the downfall of any site.
so a recap of your day, a confession, an embarasing moment, a quote, an inside joke, a fictional story, a biography, a picture, a quiz, a shout-out, a thank you, a secret, a happy birthday note, news, anything-- is acceptable and worthy of being shown off to the whole entire world.
people say "everyone's been so gloomy and depressed," but think about it. of course they are going to write when they are depressed. that's why a sad poem is easier to write than a happy one because the emotions contained in a sad poem want out of the shadows. that's why people have these things. and even if in the beginning, you were planning to create a happier site, of jokes and things like that... you will eventually start to pull in the negatives of life. and why not? it's life as you live it. and if people can't deal with it, then they have abosolute control of whether to read the posts or not.
i guess we all have our audience. but i know most of you are writing for yourself, to rid of all the troubles in your life somewhere... and you picked here.
but there's always someone reading what you say. it's almost a paradox.
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blog's new look complete at 2:58am on january 21, 2004.
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
question: does knowing how someone feels give insight to what they're feeling and why they're feeling that way?
i've refrained from saying, "i know how you feel", because then, i'd be starting up a lie.
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004
"there can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." - martin luther king, jr.
in honor of the upcoming holiday and those who stand firmly to their ideas
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someone once told me that if you're unsure about doing or wanting something , then you're better off not proceeding any actions at all. and they're right.
with change, you must also change.
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Thursday, January 08, 2004
empathy. i want to give you the biggest hug.
empathy. i want to make you smile.
empathy. please don't cry.
empathy. i'm going to cry with you if you don't stop.
empathy. smile.
i'm always here for you.
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Wednesday, January 07, 2004
labs got cancelled today! woohoo! now i actually have time to myself! :) what a change.
right. so comment at the bottom of this post so i can put your birthdays on my calendar. i'm a forgetful college student (with special emphasis on "college"), so what i think i knew, i don't. so please, please-- leave your birthday if you want. even if it's already past. yeah? thanks a bunches.
if you're bored any, please check my poetry site. inspired by the closest things and people to me. and then some.
and a special shout out to my best friend jay. i miss you.
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Tuesday, January 06, 2004
so... it's been forever and a day since my last post. so first things first.
happy new year 2004!! :)
on to the second thing. cherish your family.
i found in three short weeks how incredibly great family really is. i don't know... each time i see them, i realize it. and i hate it because that's something i should have known all along. concluding to the fact that i've been taking them for granted this whole time. god, i hate that.
yeah... either that or this time of year really does do something to you.
to a wonderful new year...
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